ParentLine

Dear ParentLine:

My son will soon be going to summer camp for two weeks. He's 10 years old and this will be his first experience at being away from home. He seems to be getting more nervous about it as the time gets nearer. How can I prepare him?

Summer camp can be a positive and rewarding experience for your son, but it can also be a bit frightening for both of you. Since most of us are afraid of the unknown, it's a good idea to talk with him about all the wonderful activities he'll be doing. Show him the camp brochure and try to visit the camp before his stay so he'll have a sense of the layout and routine of the camp and get a chance to meet the counselors. Even if you can't visit the camp ahead of time, spend some time getting him settled in the day he arrives. Make sure he understands where and when he sleeps, eats and does activities. Make sure he gets to meet his counselor before you leave and assure him that if he ever has any questions, he can ask the counselors for help.

It may be very difficult for you both when it's time for you to leave. For his sake don't get mushy or teary eyed. Save that for the ride home. Even if he cries and clings to you, let him know how sure you are that everything will be alright and that he'll have a GREAT time. When it's time to leave, say good bye with a smile, and go.

The most common problem for youngsters at camp is homesickness. It's a very real and normal feeling. Since your son has never experienced camp, it is likely he will feel somewhat homesick. It's important to talk to him about this in the weeks before he goes. Tell him that there may be times when he's very sad and wants to come home. Tell him lots of kids feel that way. Also tell him that there will be many new friends to meet and activities he's never tried before. Tell him you'll be thinking about him and hoping he's having fun.

The first few days will be the hardest for him. Gradually, he'll settle in and begin making friends. Within a few days he'll know the routine and the homesickness will taper off.

The mail is very important to all campers and especially first-timers. Try to send him a letter or note every day. Encourage your family to write to him as well. Campers love to hear their name at mail call and feel comforted that their family has not forgotten them. Avoid telling him about any exciting things you may be doing that he's missing out on. Don't let him know how much you miss him. Keep your letters positive and focus on the camp experiences he talks about in his letters.

His camp experience is likely to be difficult for you as well. If you've done your homework and feel assured that the camp will give him a quality experience, RELAX! Some parents think they have to stay home every minute the child is away--just in case the camp is trying to call you. Counselors are capable of dealing with emergencies and there is always a physician available to the camp and often a nurse on site. Remind yourself to stop worrying. Your son is in the hands of people who are trained and experienced to handle a variety of child and parent issues.

If you get an especially sad letter begging you to come get him, call the camp director to get assurance that your son is okay.  Camp counselors deal with this all the time and are very sensitive to homesick feelings.  Chances are, your son is just fine.   And while he may be comforted by hearing the sound of your voice, keep in mind that talking to him by phone may be upsetting to both of you and you'll both likely wind up in tears.

If you think this separation will be difficult for you, plan an activity or take a class to keep your mind off your own anxiety. Take some time to recharge your own batteries. No matter how sad his letters have been, when your son gets home he will surely have some amazing stories to tell, many fond memories and perhaps a friend or two to exchange letters with. Most importantly, he'll know that despite his fears, he was able to make it through and have fun as well. This goes a long way toward boosting his self-esteem and helping him face future challenges and opportunities.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.