ParentLine

Dear ParentLine, Both my husband and I work full time outside the home.   Now that the summer months are here,  and demands of homework and extracurricular activities on our 8-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter are not so great as during the school year,  our family needs some help with a down and dirty issue: chores!   When the subject’s come up in the past, our kids whine and complain that the parents of their friends don’t make their kids “work.” And, they’re right!  I can’t remember the last time I saw a kid raking or cutting grass.  Frankly, my husband and I have been too tired to argue with them.  What’s worse, the kids seem to know this and then, procrastinate or do their jobs so poorly that it’s just easier for us to do it all.  We know we’ve got a bad trend developing here and realize we have to do something.  Where and how do we start?  Please help!  Signed, Got Elbow Grease in Goffstown, NH

 

Work is not only a four-letter word, it’s also a fact of life for all of us, kids and adults!  Because no one pops into this world with an in-born love of labor, grown-ups have to teach kids how to pull their share of the load, how to be responsible, and how to take initiative.  In your own jobs, you know the value of a work ethic.  Good for you that you now realize that you’re not doing your kids any favors by allowing sloth to be their status quo. 

ParentLine’s not going to scold you over the fact that the time to start to teach kids how to help is when they’re toddlers.  We will, however, issue a strong warning that once you decide to drop the boom on Junior and Tootsie, your success will depend entirely upon your resolve. You will need to be clear when you communicate your expectations, consistent in your follow-up and enforcement of consequences when the kids don’t do their jobs to your specifications. ParentLine will give you the tools to help your family, but you and your husband are the ones who must teach your children how to use them.

Author Cynthia Townley Ewer (www.organizedHome.com) says, “Resolve to succeed.  The place to start is with our own thinking.  Housework is an inevitable part of life.  Just as we prepare our children for their adult lives by sending them to school, so we need to prepare them to manage and maintain a home.  Housework is an integral part of life for everyone, man, woman, and child.  In today’s busy families, there’s no excuse for anybody to shirk their portion of the necessary work.”   Ewer says that a calm, determined parent who views household work as just another life skill will be inoculated against their child’s manipulation and evasion.  “Motivated by parental love and responsibility, you’ll go farther than fits-and-starts efforts fired by anger and frustration.”

Ewer also suggests that gradual change acknowledges certain human limitations.  “It takes 21 days to make a habit.  It’s extremely difficult to learn more than one habit at a time.  Your child isn’t the only one whose habits have to change!  You, too, will have the time to revamp your thinking and your practices if you institute change slowly but surely.”

Along with offering kids a choice of the chores they’d like to do, Ewer suggests that you make housework a partnership.  Think: “cleaning misery loves company,” Ewer advises that families set a Pick Up time every day and a Clean Up time every week, during which all family members pitch in.  She adds that it’s very motivating for boys to see their father help with the chores.

With regard to chores and gender lines, the experts at www.diynetwork.com state that by ninth grade girls are doing two more hours of housework per week than boys.  At the same time, they are doing more paid work and more homework, effectively learning to multitask in the way of working women.  Boys, on the other hand, are spending about 40 percent more time on extracurricular activities.

Robin McClure, author of an article titled, “Kid Chores Teach Responsibility, Family Involvement,” (www.About.com) suggests that chores ought to be handled as necessary contributions to the family.  She also advises parents to do the following so chores don’t become a bone of contention:

• Involve your kids with the establishment of chores.
• Establish quality standards up front.
• Set consequences as a team.
• Don’t give in over chore battles.
• Spouses must be unified in chore assignments.
• Stress that chores are part of the family and rewards are not to be expected.
• Allow kids an opportunity to express their thoughts about chores.

 

Author Sarah Aguine, in an article titled “Age Appropriate Chore Charts,” (www.About.com) suggests some chores that 2-3 year olds can do:

• Help make the bed.
• Pick up toys and books.
• Take laundry to the laundry room
• Help feed pets.
• Help wipe up messes. Dust with socks on their hands.

 

Ages 4 and 5 can:

• Clear and set the table.
• Dust.
• Help out in cooking and preparing food.
• Carry and put away groceries.

 

Ages 6-8 can do the following, in addition to the chores listed above:

• Take care of pets.
• Vacuum and mop (ParentLine reminds you that if a kid is old enough to play computer games, he or she is old enough to run a vacuum cleaner).
• Take out trash.
• Fold and put away laundry.

 

Ages 9-12 can:

• Help wash the car.
• Learn to wash dishes.
• Help prepare a simple meal.
• Clean the bathroom.
• Rake leaves.
• Operate the washer and dryer.

 

Ages 13-17 can:

• Replace light bulbs and vacuum cleaner bags.
• All parts of the laundry.
• Wash windows.
• Clean out the refrigerator and other kitchen appliances.
• Prepare meals and grocery lists.

 

Aguine reminds parents that children mature at their own pace and not all kids will be capable of advanced chores at the same age, just as some children may be ready for more difficult chores at a younger age.  The most important guidelines are supervision and evaluation of your child’s needs and abilities.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.