ParentLine

Dear ParentLine, Our 16-year-old son is getting ready to start searching for colleges. He is such a good kid, but is so not focused.  His grades are not so good, maybe a C average.  He is, however, good at sports and is a very sociable kid.  I don’t want to drive him to do something that he doesn’t want, but I seem to be the only one of the two of us who is seriously looking at colleges and the future.  How can I steer him, encourage him, and help him along to find at least something that he would be able to succeed at?  (Signed), Mother Matriculated, in Merrimack County, NH

 

Well, Mom, sounds like you find yourself in that delicate spot of balancing support for your son or pushing him.  He does need support.  He does not need to be pushed.  What to do?

ParentLine asks why it is in this country that we expect everyone to have a college education?  Why is it that career choices are driven by the mantra “Show Me The Money?” What ever happened to honoring skilled trades and crafts people?  What’s the matter with a good vocational education…and when was the last time you tried to find a good plumber or carpenter or computer techie? 

Try this on for size.  In many northern European countries, when a kid is in the last year of high school, he makes a decision whether to continue his education in the university system or in vocational schools.  In Denmark, for instance, if a young person decides not to go to the university, and opts instead for a vocation such as an auto mechanic, a museum guide, a baker or home-maker (and yes, you can get a degree in domestic arts), students are first sent to a six month program called folk high school.   In this curriculum, the students are given a smattering of history, theatre, arts, music, crafts; subjects to which they may not be exposed during the rest of their course of study.

When they complete the six months of folk high school, they then enter a two year-long program that prepares them to become apprentices in the trade of their choice.  The programs are rigorous, with lots of “hands-on” practical training.  Students from vocational education programs in these countries are appreciated as having skills that are as valued as those of doctors, lawyers, architects, or teachers.  People are judged much more by how skilled they are and by how well they do their jobs, not by how “white collar” a job they hold or how much money they have the potential to make.

ParentLine encourages you to encourage your son to consider his options.  Encourage him to start talking to his school’s guidance counselor about alternatives.  Check out the Vocational Information Center at http://www.khake.com/.  The site has a broad listing of vocational and technical careers and lists the skills that employers really want, and lists trade school.

Another website titled Technical Schools Directory at http://www.techschooldirectory.com also lists a number of technical schools and colleges by state.  Right here in NH, you have a valuable resource in the New Hampshire Community Technical College network.  Encourage your son to call and speak to career planning counselors who can talk to him about programs that may be more to his liking than a four-year college experience. 

It may be beneficial to your son to start out slowly by not enrolling as a full-time student, and instead, taking a few courses here and there with a broad liberal arts approach.   He may discover something that he really likes or he may whittle down the field.  Either way, he won’t be wasting his time.

Work –as in “get a job”—is another option.  You have to be clear to communicate that this does not mean to your son “Oh, good, I don’t have to figure out what I’m going to do with my life because I’m not going to college.”  As with his young life to date, you must set expectation and limits.  What does he expect to learn from this work experience?  How will it prepare him to take the next step in his life?  How will he invest the money he earns toward his future?  How much room and board will he be expected to pay you?

As a student in Hamburger U, Yardwork State or Mailroom College, Junior will get a taste of the working world and get an education in very real vocation, whether it is in the art of flipping burgers or in management techniques to get others to do a better job.

Finally, you can encourage your son to look into some form of volunteering for the period where he makes up his mind about what he wants to do when he grows up.  If he becomes an AmeriCorps volunteer, he can work on a number of programs to benefit not only his own life but also make a difference in the lives of others and earn an education award to pay education costs at qualified institutions of higher education or training.  Visit http://www.americorps.org for more information.

Remember, Mom, there are many useful ways for a person to live his life.  The most important thing you can do for and with your son right now is to talk to him about what that usefulness and value looks like to him.  Being there as a guide, resource, friend, and mentor are all part of a parent’s job description.  Encourage him to see you as such.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.