ParentLine

Dear ParentLine, Our daughter, age 14, seems to have fallen into a funk.  She seems very depressed.  Nothing makes her happy, no one makes her smile, nothing interests her and she seems to have no energy or desire to do anything.  She used to be pretty vibrant.  We’ve asked her what’s wrong, but she doesn’t seem to want to tell us anything.  We’ve suggested a therapist, but she says she’s fine and to leave her alone.  What is going on and what can we do to help? 

Signed, So Young, So Sad in Stafford County

 

ParentLine’s willing to bet you didn’t realize that, as the parent of a teenage daughter, you had to become proficient in the fine art of reading her “funks.”  Let us elucidate.  There’s the term “kinda funky.”  Here, the word is used as an adjective to describe fun, off-beat as it relates to music, hair and clothing styles or the kid your daughter’s got a crush on.   At the other end of the spectrum, “funk” is a noun that points to a scary, dark, bottomless place into which a teen may fall and where her life may feel meaningless.

An attentive parent’s “funkometer” must be sensitive enough to measure all forms of funky behavior to gauge if “Missy” is not coming out of her room simply because she’s mad that someone looked at her strangely or because there’s something really wrong with her.  No matter the reason, you’re right to take your daughter’s funks seriously till you find out the cause. To “leave her alone” as she requests is not an option. Here’s the reason.

Statistics released in an article found at www.teendepression.org  state that about 20 percent of teens will experience depression before they reach adulthood and between 10 to 15 percent of teenagers have some symptoms of teen depression at any time.  Teen depression can affect a teen regardless of gender, social background, income level, race, or school or other achievements, though teenage girls report suffering from depression more often than teenage boys. 

These experts suggest that teenage girls’ somewhat stronger dependence on social ties can increase the chances of teen depression being triggered by social factors, such as loss of friends.  Other risk factors that increase the chances of an episode of teen depression include experiencing trauma, abuse, or a long-term illness or disability. Between 20 to 50 percent of teens who suffer from depression have had a family member with depression or other mental disorders.  About two thirds of teens with major depression also suffer from another mental disorder, such as dysthymia, addiction to drugs or alcohol, anxiety, or antisocial behaviors.

An article titled “Depression” the folks at the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center (www.safeyouth.org) says that where it’s normal to feel “blue” occasionally or “down” for a while after something bad happens, too often depression goes untreated because people fail to recognize the symptoms of depression.  Here’s how you can distinguish depression from occasional normal sadness or moodiness:  Common symptoms of depression include:

  • Sad or irritable mood
  • Loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable
  • Large changes in appetite or weight
  • Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping
  • Slow or agitated movement
  • Loss of energy
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Frequent thoughts of death or suicide

 

Most teens experience some of these symptoms occasionally.  But if a teen has a number of these symptoms for more than a few weeks, he or she is likely to have a major depression and may need professional help.

These experts suggest that teens often show depression in other ways as well.  Some other signs to watch for in teens include:

  • Frequent headaches, muscle aches, stomach aches or tiredness without a medical cause
  • Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
  • Talk or efforts to run away from home
  • Boredom, sulking
  • Lack of interest in spending time with friends or family
  • Alcohol or substance abuse
  • Social isolation, poor communication
  • Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
  • Increased irritability, anger, hostility, or crying
  • Reckless behavior
  • Neglect of clothing and appearance
  • Difficulty with relationships
  • Changes in mood

 

If you think your daughter is suffering from depression, get help.  Your first stop should be the pediatrician or your family physician.  Have your daughter examined for any medical issue that would result in her change of energy and mood.  For example, a thyroid problem could affect her level of activity.  Other medical issues could be related to puberty and should be checked.

Once medical issues are ruled out, your next call should be to a qualified therapist.  Use the number listed at the end of this article for help.  When seeking a therapist or counselor, always be sure to request referrals.  Check with friends, a school counselor, churches and/or your physician’s office

In an article by Gary Direnfield, MSW, RSW, titled Healthy Parenting – Your Options: Think Your Teen Needs Counseling, suggests the following when looking for counseling for your teen.  Meet with the counselor first.  This will allow you to provide a detailed description of your concern and the history of the problem.  You will also have the opportunity to check out the counselor and determine if you are comfortable trusting your child’s care to this person.  Not all counselors are alike and you may prefer the approach or values of one counselor to another.  Determine if your teen needs to be seen in discussion with the counselor at this meeting.

Remember, the counselor doesn’t live with your teen.  Counseling may be directed to help parents better guide, manage or influence their teen.  If your teen does attend counseling, your participation remains crucial.  After determining and addressing the problems, the focus must shift to positive working solutions that are future oriented and facilitate parent-teen relationships.  If you are ever uncertain, ask questions and encourage your teen to do the same.

 

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.