Guns

Dear ParentLine,

Our 13-year-old son has a best friend whose father has a gun collection. He says that the collection is in the house, in a locked glass case. Our son’s friend is a nice kid and we don’t want to ruin the friendship, but we really feel uncomfortable letting our son play over at the boy’s house. Any suggestions on how we can handle this diplomatically?

Signed Gun-shy in Grafton County, NH

When it comes to any concerns you have about kids and guns, don’t hesitate. Ask! Child and Family Services’ family therapy experts add that before talking with the neighbors, you might find it helpful to jot down your specific concerns about the guns and consider having the friend’s parents to your home for the discussion. You may find yourself more or less at ease after their response, and then, may decide that visits with your son and his friend are limited to your home or neutral territory, or that your son is safe at his friend’s home. You may come to this decision after finding out the gun owner’s awareness about safety issues. Further, in the course of the conversation, try to determine whether or not the neighbors are people who generally fly off the handle, are angry or aggressive or it they are more apt to show restraint. Trust your instincts. Your son’s safety depends on you.

According to a study by Peter Hart and Associates and The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, (www.ww.bradycampaign.org), 42% of parents polled revealed that they would be extremely concerned about their child’s safety if they knew there was a gun in the home of their child’s friend. When asked if they ever thought to ask:

61% of parents reported that they never thought about asking
30% reported that they have asked
6% thought about it, but never asked

The following statistics from the folks at Common Sense About Kids and Guns (www.kidsandguns.org) and the AKS (www.askingsaveskids.com) spell the reasons you need to find out about how the family of your son’s friend practice gun safety in their home.

Every eight hours a child or teen is killed in a firearm-related accident or suicide (2001).
Over 40% of American households with children have guns.
More American homes have guns (43%) than dogs (40%).
Approximately ½ million elementary school age latch-key children have access to guns when they are home alone.
Almost 90% of accidental shootings involving children are linked to an easy-to-find, loaded handgun in the house.
88% of children live in homes where firearms are stored unlocked and loaded or with ammunition nearby.
Over 75% of kids, in homes with guns, say they know where the gun is hidden.

Possession and use of firearms is a loaded political issue here in the old “Live Free or Die” state and one not likely to be solved over the back fence. However, your personal issue—that of your child’s safety—must be. The ASK campaign offers these tips to make talking to your neighbors easier:

Ask about guns along with all the other questions you might normally discuss before sending your child to someone’s house—such as seat belts, animals, or allergies.
Use the facts. Over 40% of homes with children have a gun and many of those guns are left unlocked and loaded. That’s why you’re asking the question—you just want to make sure that your child is safe.
Don’t be confrontational. Present your concerns in a respectful manner. You are simply trying to make sure your child is playing in a safe environment.
Ask if the guns are unloaded and locked.
Ask if the ammunition is stored separately and locked up.
Ask if the keys to the gun case are hidden from the children.

With regard to your child’s safety, talking about guns is not just a one-time conversation. Repetition is how kids learn. Revisit the topic of guns, including conversations about the dangers, safety factors, rights and responsibilities involved, as your child grows and is exposed to gun violence. The Brady Campaign offers the following information to help you keep your child safe from gun injury:

Hide keys to the locked firearm and ammunition storage boxes.
If your friends or family keep a firearm, urge them to keep it locked and unloaded.
Only parents should know the location of the gun storage.
Check with your local police for advice about safe storage and gun locks.
When handling or cleaning a gun, never leave it unattended, not even for a moment.
Teach your children never to touch guns. Make sure they know that guns can be dangerous.
Talk with your kids about the risk of firearm injury outside the home, in places where they may visit or play.
Talk with your children about guns and violence and about the differences between TV and video game violence and real life violence.

A helpful resource for parents and educators is the New Hampshire Firearm Safety Coalition, part of the Dartmouth Injury Prevention Center, Lebanon, NH, which is brings educational programs and videos to middle and high school students to increase awareness that guns are not toys. For more information, contact Dartmouth Injury Prevention Center, (603)653-1135.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families. Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486; write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.