ParentLine

Dear ParentLine,

Three stories on the news today were about child predators, internet porn, child porn, sex rings and general pedophilia.  As a parent, I’m horrified, especially at how easily innocent kids are getting lured into a shady internet world.  What are the best ways that I can protect my daughter, age 10, from all the evils that lurk out there?  I don’t want to scare her to death and let her only play in her fenced in yard with friends who I need to do a background check on.  Please let me know of any action steps I can take to keep her from harm.  Thanks for your service. 

Signed, Radar Up in Raymond, NH

 

Yep, evil lurks as close to home as your computer.  Predators abound and they’re not just “dirty old men in raincoats” anymore!  As a parent, you must be extremely watchful--both inside and outside the home--to keep your child safe.  It’s up to you to teach your daughter about internet predators. If you didn’t start when she was very young, start now!  And, as she grows into that charming phase when she thinks she knows and has heard it all, keep playing those Parent Tapes.  Her life may depend on it.

According to the folks at Microsoft in an article titled, Online Predators: Help Minimize the Risk, young adolescents are the most vulnerable age group.  Teens most at risk are those who tend to be new to online activity and unfamiliar with “netiquette;” aggressive computer users; the type to try new, edgy activities in life; actively seeking attention or affection; rebellious; isolated or lonely; curious; confused regarding sexual identity; easily tricked by adults; attracted by subcultures apart from their parents’ world.  Kids feel they are aware of the dangers of predators, but in reality, they are quite naïve about online relationships.

Use parental controls software that’s built into new operating systems or that you can download for free like Windows Live Family Safety Settings.

Here are some INTERNET SAFETY TIPS to help protect kids online, found at www.squidoo.com:

  1. If possible, keep the computer in a visible place in the house. Ask questions. Walk by and check what’s on the screen. If your child quickly closes the screen, this is a red flag and should be investigated.
  2. Spend time on the Internet with your children. Go online with your children as often as possible.  Help them identify inappropriate communications. Give them a chance to show you what they’ve learned or the things they like. Ask your children to tell about their cyberspace friends, just as you would want to know their real-life friends.
  3. Schedule Internet use for your children. Limit young grade-schoolers to 30-60 minutes a few times a week; older kids may need more frequent access for school projects. This will make them more responsible in using the Internet.
  4. Set Traffic Limits. Limit your children to 1-3 megabytes they can download/upload per day to prevent them from downloading pornographic films or non-licensed software.
  5. Limit your children to only certain websites, newsgroups and chat rooms. Sit down with your child and agree on types of websites your child may and may not visit. Limit the use of instant messaging and chat rooms.
  6. Never give out personal information. Instruct your kids never to give out personal information (name, address, age, telephone number, password, credit card number, and so on) in chat rooms, email, or bulletin boards. Be aware that web sites for children sometimes ask for e-mail and home addresses, telephone numbers and parents' professions before allowing children to enter.
  7. Never have online profiles. Instruct your kids never to have online profiles, so they will not be listed in directories and are less likely to be approached in children's chat rooms, where pedophiles often search for prey.
  8. Use nicknames instead of real names. A nickname-an online alias (like KingStar or PinkPanther)-is also vital to protecting privacy because it conceals a person's real identity. Consider sharing the same nickname and e-mail address with your children under 14 so that you can closely monitor the instant and e-mail messages that come to them. Do not allow your children to select sexually suggestive nicknames.
  9. Never allow a child to arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone they met online. Instruct children to never arrange a face-to-face meeting with another computer user without parental permission. Never allow them to get together with someone they "met" online without first checking this "friend" out to the best of your ability. If a meeting is arranged, make the first one in a public place, and be sure to accompany your child. Thus, someone indicating that "she" is a "12-year-old girl" could in reality be a 40-year-old man.
  10. Randomly check visited web sites log.  Viewing the log of visited web sites can give you enough information about your kid's habits, interests and online friends. Normally you should do this only occasionally but if your child becomes secretive, then you should check more often. If you find that the history of sites visited is deleted in your web browser, this is a signal that something is going on and should be investigated.
  11. Teach children etiquette. Good manners can protect kids, too. Tell children never to respond to messages or bulletin board postings that are suggestive, obscene or harassing. Ask them to be sensitive to others' feelings when posting online messages and to avoid being rude, mean, sarcastic or excessively argumentative. Visit message boards and chat rooms with your kids to point out comments that could be misinterpreted.
  12. Teach children to be careful with e-mails from people they do not know.  Instruct your child never to open emails, especially ones with attachments, from people they do not know. Most likely these emails contain a computer virus or they are mass mailing (spam) e-mails with inappropriate content.

PARENTLINE WELCOMES YOUR QUESTIONS! 

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.