ParentLine

Dear ParentLine,

I was watching the news yesterday and the top three stories were about child predators, internet porn, child porn, sex rings and general pedophilia.  Of course, as a parent, I am mortified.  What are the best ways that I can protect my daughter, age 10, from all the evils that lurk out there?  I don’t want to scare her to death and let her only play in her fenced in yard with friends who I need to do a background check on.  Please let me know of any action steps I can take to keep her from harm.  Thanks for your service. 

Signed, Radar Up in Upper Valley

 

Whether just beyond the safety of your back porch or even right in your home, you’re right.  Predators abound and they’re not just “dirty old men in raincoats.” According to the US Justice Department’s Bureau of Justice Statistics (JBS), 67 percent of all victims of sexual assault reported to the police were children under the age of 18.  Further, the JBS says assaults by a stranger account for just three percent of molestations of children under the age of six, and just five percent for children aged six to eleven.

Parents must be extremely watchful both inside and outside the home to keep kids safe.  It’s up to you to teach kids about predators. Start when they are very young.  And, as they grow into that charming phase when they think they know and have heard it all, keep playing those Parent Tapes.  Their lives may depend on it.

In an article titled, Be street-smart and protect your kids: Advice and precaution to avoid abductions, found at www.MSNBC.com, ParentLine found these safety tips that parents may find helpful.

  • Talk openly with your kids about all safety issues, including what to do in a potential abduction situation.
  • Establish rules pertaining to strangers.  Let them know predators look just like any other person and will use any number of ways to lure a child.  Remember, the vast number of children who are victimized know their assailants.
  • Never label clothing, backpacks, or other personal items such as jewelry with your child’s name.
  • Give your child instructions on what to do if they get separated from you in a mall, supermarket, or any other public place.  Tell them to go first find a mother with children and let them know they are lost.  Also, they can go to a check-out counter, information desk or police officer.
  • Make sure that your child knows his or her full name, address and phone number and the phone number for the place you work or how to contact you.  Children also need to know how to dial 911, make collect calls, and dial the operator on a pay phone.
  • Know where your children are at all times, and keep a list of their friends’ names, addresses, and phone numbers.  Remember to update your children’s records including a photo every 6-12 months.  Be aware of overnight parties unless you personally know and trust the teens and adults living and having access to that home.
  • Practice, practice, practice.  Continue to go over this information with your kids.  Role-play to make the learning permanent so your child can react properly when under pressure.

How to keep your kids “safe” in cyberspace?  Use parent controls to block websites that are considered unacceptable for children. Restrict access to newsgroups and chat rooms. Prevent your child from giving out personal information, such as name, address, school she attends, etc.  Put time limits on surfing the net.

Here are 12 INTERNET SAFETY TIPS for protecting kids online, found at www.squidoo.com:

  1. If possible, keep the computer in a visible place in the house. Ask questions. Walk by and check what is on the screen. If your child quickly closes the screen, this is a red flag and should be investigated.
  2. Spend time on the Internet with your children. Go online with your children as often as possible and help them identify inappropriate communications. Give them a chance to show you what they have learned or the things they like. Ask your children to tell about their cyberspace friends, just as you would want to know their real-life friends.
  3. Schedule Internet use for your children. Limit young grade-schoolers to 30-60 minutes a few times a week; older kids may need more frequent access for school projects. This will make them more responsible in using the Internet.
  4. Set Traffic Limits. Limit your children to 1-3 megabytes they can download/upload per day to prevent them from downloading pornographic films or non-licensed software.
  5. Limit your children to only certain websites, newsgroups and chat rooms. Sit down with your child and agree on types of websites your child may and may not visit. Limit the use of instant messaging and chat rooms.
  6. Never give out personal information. Instruct your kids never to give out personal information (name, address, age, telephone number, password, credit card number, and so on) in chat rooms, email, or bulletin boards. Be aware that web sites for children sometimes ask for e-mail and home addresses, telephone numbers and parents' professions before allowing children to enter.
  7. Never have online profiles. Instruct your kids never to have online profiles, so they will not be listed in directories and are less likely to be approached in children's chat rooms, where pedophiles often search for prey.
  8. Use nicknames instead of real names. A nickname-an online alias (like KingStar or PinkPanther)-is also vital to protecting privacy because it conceals a person's real identity. Consider sharing the same nickname and e-mail address with your children under 14 so that you can closely monitor the instant and e-mail messages that come to them. Do not allow your children to select sexually suggestive nicknames.
  9. Never allow a child to arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone they met online. Instruct children to never arrange a face-to-face meeting with another computer user without parental permission. Never allow them to get together with someone they "met" online without first checking this "friend" out to the best of your ability. If a meeting is arranged, make the first one in a public place, and be sure to accompany your child. Thus, someone indicating that "she" is a "12-year-old girl" could in reality be a 40-year-old man.
  10. Randomly check visited web sites log.  Viewing the log of visited web sites can give you enough information about your kid's habits, interests and online friends. Normally you should do this only occasionally but if your child becomes secretive, then you should check more often. If you find that the history of sites visited is deleted in your web browser, this is a signal that something is going on and should be investigated.
  11. Teach children etiquette. Good manners can protect kids, too. Tell children never to respond to messages or bulletin board postings that are suggestive, obscene or harassing. Ask them to be sensitive to others' feelings when posting online messages and to avoid being rude, mean, sarcastic or excessively argumentative. Visit message boards and chat rooms with your kids to point out comments that could be misinterpreted.
  12. Teach children to be careful with e-mails from people they do not know.  Instruct your child never to open emails, especially ones with attachments, from people they do not know. Most likely these emails contain a computer virus or they are mass mailing (spam) e-mails with inappropriate content.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.