ParentLine

Dear ParentLine,

For many of us, it is the season of Easter, Passover, and other religious observances…but for all of us, this year in particular, it is a season of concern and wonder.  What are ways in which parents can guide their children to find spiritual comfort in anxious times?  How can parents, no matter what their denomination, build and strengthen a child’s sense of spirit? 

To help children develop and nurture spirituality is the domain of the leaders of the several faith communities in the state. ParentLine forwarded your question and received the following answers.

Rabbi Richard Klein, Temple Beth Jacob, Concord: “Ongoing participation in activities of the faith community helps people find support and strength for dealing with anxiety-producing situations.  In communities in general, neither kids nor adults should feel that they have to deal with things alone.  All communities we belong to, especially faith communities are sources of strength at a time of stress and anxiety.

“We build into the entire fabric of our curriculum, activities and experiences to educate kids to see themselves as part of an awesome world.  We encourage them to ask questions, verbalize their anxieties, and understand that they don’t have to face things in isolation.  Parents need to urge kids to talk about fears and let them know it’s OK to be frightened or perplexed.”

Rev. Susan A. (Andy) Jepson, Transitional Associate Conference Minister, NHUCC, Concord. 

 “A family’s active engagement in a faith community is living proof of that family’s belief that none of us is alone – not children, not adults.  Whatever our age, we all face the same questions and we seek the same assurances:  Who loves me?  How can I bear this?  Is it okay to let things be, or should I try to change them?  Who will help me? 

 “We never get over those questions, never answer all of them, and never stop challenging the injustices of life.  Indeed, God calls us all to keep asking and searching, never to accept what seem wrong, senseless, and unfair.  Easter and the times of rebirth and liberation in all religious communities make anew the promise that faith in God’s love and care for us is the ultimate and only answer.  Without faith, we struggle to find strength and courage for our own needs; with it, we spread our spiritual wings, launch ourselves into new possibilities and know that we are secure in the arms of God’s unfailingly comforting, challenging love.  May our lives show our faith, and our children learn what we live.”

The Rev. Robert Thompson, School minister, Phillips Exeter Academy, Exeter:

“The real pain and danger comes when a child is isolated, is unable to express her fear or anxiety, and is not assured of a safe comfortable place where that can happen.  We are unable to make children feel comfortable because many adults have not taken the opportunity to question things, especially our spiritual beliefs.  We’re isolated because of our own fears or estrangement of established religious bodies…not able to bring kids into community because we don’t consider ourselves part of a community.

“By extension, when a nation does not consider itself as part of a larger community, it experiences isolation.  In between these extremes of the effect of isolation, we have the opportunity to serve our children.  If we’re able to open up lines of communication and to encourage their frank communication with those around them, then truly the dangers of war will be lessened.  Where God moves, there is an end to isolation.  

“Where we see people who are different from ourselves, we must reach out and thereby, model ‘reaching out’ for children.  Authentic reaching out means an encounter with all other persons, recognizing that person as equal.   One is forced to take seriously their point of view, one may disagree with the point of view, but one is forced to see that perspective as valid, legitimate and a choice made by another of God’s creatures. 

“There is a lot of difference in NH.  We have the responsibility and opportunity to model what we say.  How do we speak of God’s people on earth?  What do we do with the sense of helplessness?  Do we model pain?  What do we do?  How do we conduct ourselves? There is no action too small.  If all of us have the opportunity to do something, we needn’t give into helplessness.”

“We also need to provide for ways for kids to come together and to learn from and about each other.  We are blessed to be at PEA, where there is cross-cultural environment.  At time of last Gulf war, we had war in our assembly hall.  We couldn’t ‘them’ anyone because ‘they’ were our sisters and brothers; the enemy was ‘us.’

Yasmin Alani, member of Islamic Society of Seacoast Area, Dover.

“We are a practicing Muslim family and typical in the ways in which we practice.  Islam is a way of living.  We bring the pillars of Islam into our family life. One way spirituality is found is through the daily practice of prayer five times a day.  We stop what we are doing to pray.  This brings our faith into every aspect of our lives.

“For my children, we encourage the feeling of responsibility.  When you see a policeman on a street corner, you drive a little more slowly.  If you believe that God is watching you all the time, then you grow up knowing everything you do counts and your actions have consequences.  The time from prayer to prayer is a checking time.  The time between Ramadan to Ramadan is a checking time.  These are times to check yourself, to reflect on all your actions and to come closer to God.”

 As parents, we must be clear about the rules that apply to their lives.  If we raise our children in the faith and let them know our values, then they will grow up to want to practice their faith.  This is like the child of a musician who grows up hearing music.  The child will grow up to love music.

The Rt. Rev. Gene Robinson, Bishop for Episcopal Diocese of NH, Concord:  “A danger of our age is seeing things in black and white.  It is never too early to teach children that they can hold feelings and ideas that are contradictory. Nor is it too soon to raise the issue of violence.

“Where kids may not understand long and tedious explanations of doctrine, parents need to engage in a dialog with their children about what it would look like if we took the vow to respect the dignity of every human being seriously; on the playground, in the classroom or in the UN.   And, what shape would these discussions take with the inclusion of all the things we fight over, such as racism, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation and gender issues?  These discussions all become a question of how we teach respect.

“People come to different conclusions about what respect will look like.  The notion that we are all children of God is a great place to start the discussion.  This thought draws us together.  We all have far more in common than we have to separate us.  It is far too easy to objectify an enemy and pretend they are nothing like us, when, in fact, they are.”

 

David Lamarre-Vincent, Executive Director, NH Council of Churches, Concord:

“As parents, we’ve learned important lessons to reflect on with regard to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Specifically, we may not value as we should or recognize as clearly as we ought, that children are very spiritual people.  When talking to children about spiritual issues, parents must not ‘project backward.’  A parent’s and a child’s notion of spirituality is very different.

“For instance, in dealing with the concepts of good and evil, the adult will see this as a complex equation.  Talking about issues with children tests the parent to listen really well to what their children are asking.  The child’s understanding in Creation stories is that Creation is good.  God said all humans are loved in the eyes of God.  By extension, if you are a Christian, the next question is ‘Who is your neighbor?’  It is easier to forgive a friend, but to forgive an enemy is our obligation.  There is much to talk about on this subject with children.

“Does war mean all people of this skin color, this religion, from this part of the world – are they all bad, because some people from this part of the world are?  The answer is easily ‘No.’ This also brings us closer to home, here in the US, to discussions about how we live with our neighbors, how we teach tolerance.

“Children need constant validation that their feelings are important. With images of the Iraq war on the television, their father or mother called to active duty, or their friend’s parent on or returning from active duty, the need to be patient and seek advice when necessary is more important than ever before.”

Mary Ellen Mahon, Director for Catechetical Formation, Diocese of Manchester.  “Aware of the many layers of responsibility inherent in being a parent, leaders within the Catholic Church are more conscious of collaborating with parents who are the first teachers of their children. One practical expression of this commitment is making available resources that introduce parents to basic ways of praying and sharing faith in their homes.

“Family prayer at table before a meal, bedtime prayer and blessings, and simple rituals like lighting a candle or sharing a blessing cup are natural starting places for encountering the Spirit. They provide opportunities for parents and children to share stories of the people and events of the day and are avenues for a deepening awareness of the presence of the Spirit in the ordinary events of life.

“Listening to one another, sharing how we feel about people in our lives, and seeing events through the lens of one’s faith are foundational for spiritual comfort in anxious times. They are also stepping stones that help us realize how we can respond to these people and events positively and with hope.”

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit, nonsectarian organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.